"Normalizing Abuse: A Commentary on the Culture of Pervasive Abuse" by Karen Tate
All forms of abuse are rampant in our society, and stem from the origins of techno-capitalism that abused both human beings and the land. Contributors to Karen Tate's Normalizing Abuse were asked to provide short "rants" or descriptions of the abuse they have experienced on their life journey. This is my story. - PEGI EYERS
For centuries the patriarchal agenda has oppressed women, and monotheistic religions have invisibilized and co-opted women’s sacred mysteries in earth magic, healing, birth and communal child-raising. Over time the Euro-patriarchal ruling elites built Empire by converting nature into “lifeless resources,” and during the Enlightenment era fabricated “race theory” to include BIPOC in the same hegemony of oppression and control. For millennia white women were the passive and suffering victims of Empire, but we have also been the “supporting cast” who internalized the values of the patriarchy and were complicit with the colonial directive. Due to the “patriarch within” or “internalized oppression” (take your pick) it has been my life experience that women can be the oppressors of other women.
In a society built on a foundation of patriarchal control and intersectional oppressions, intergenerational trauma and PTSD are the norm. But strange to say, when looking back I faced more direct abuse from women than from men in my personal sphere. During the difficult puberty years I was bullied by a gang of other young girls, and at one point their well-placed kicks broke my baby finger. As a child and especially as a teenager, the women in my family were constantly telling me to “shut up” and “tone it down,” as “my opinion didn’t matter.” As a young wandering hippie, the women I encountered would listen and share to a certain extent, but most offered no real sisterhood or support in a world desperate for security and social capital. When I worked for a well-known fashion designer in my late 20's, I was reminded on a daily basis that I didn’t “stack up” in terms of wealth, status or privilege, and there were so many abusive ad hominem attacks, I had to quit the job for my own self-preservation.
Later in life, during my time as an Office Manager in the corporate sector, and then as an Independent Curator in the art world, I became used to other women seeing me as a rival instead of a collaborator. I experienced competition, tone policing, gaslighting, betrayal, ghosting, the denial of achievements, and the taboo (amounting to hatred) toward all women in leadership roles. And I came to see that the maximum harm came from what women are most skilled at - the passive-aggressive dynamic.
These kinds of debilitating behaviors and unspoken taboos are still a given in many circles today, but things are finally shifting and changing. Abuse is always painful (especially for sensitives and empaths), but being acutely aware of how I was treated by other women allowed me to identify recurring patterns, and to avoid this toxicity in myself and others. I owe my sanity these days to the many kindred spirit sisters I have met, who have been doing the same transitional work. We debate like adults, agree to disagree, accept difference and still offer support, and continue to step forward into new territory – while still loving each other along the way. With hands raised in gratitude and hope, here’s to our continued transformation. PEGI EYERS
In a society built on a foundation of patriarchal control and intersectional oppressions, intergenerational trauma and PTSD are the norm. But strange to say, when looking back I faced more direct abuse from women than from men in my personal sphere. During the difficult puberty years I was bullied by a gang of other young girls, and at one point their well-placed kicks broke my baby finger. As a child and especially as a teenager, the women in my family were constantly telling me to “shut up” and “tone it down,” as “my opinion didn’t matter.” As a young wandering hippie, the women I encountered would listen and share to a certain extent, but most offered no real sisterhood or support in a world desperate for security and social capital. When I worked for a well-known fashion designer in my late 20's, I was reminded on a daily basis that I didn’t “stack up” in terms of wealth, status or privilege, and there were so many abusive ad hominem attacks, I had to quit the job for my own self-preservation.
Later in life, during my time as an Office Manager in the corporate sector, and then as an Independent Curator in the art world, I became used to other women seeing me as a rival instead of a collaborator. I experienced competition, tone policing, gaslighting, betrayal, ghosting, the denial of achievements, and the taboo (amounting to hatred) toward all women in leadership roles. And I came to see that the maximum harm came from what women are most skilled at - the passive-aggressive dynamic.
These kinds of debilitating behaviors and unspoken taboos are still a given in many circles today, but things are finally shifting and changing. Abuse is always painful (especially for sensitives and empaths), but being acutely aware of how I was treated by other women allowed me to identify recurring patterns, and to avoid this toxicity in myself and others. I owe my sanity these days to the many kindred spirit sisters I have met, who have been doing the same transitional work. We debate like adults, agree to disagree, accept difference and still offer support, and continue to step forward into new territory – while still loving each other along the way. With hands raised in gratitude and hope, here’s to our continued transformation. PEGI EYERS
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| Pegi Eyers is the author of Ancient Spirit Rising: Reclaiming Your Roots & Restoring Earth Community, an award-winning book that explores strategies for social justice, uncolonization, ethnocultural identity, building land-emergent community & resilience in times of massive change. Available from Stone Circle Press or Amazon |
